Break Free from the Self-Blame Game
I have been letting go of old patterns right and left in my dating life this Fall - stretching the limits of my comfort zone over and over, and I'm exhausted. I can feel that it is expansion into the life my soul came here to live and... that doesn't make it easier!
I keep recognizing a pattern: something unexpected happens, and I get angry, disappointed or frustrated with myself that I wasn't prepared for it. "I should have known better. Did I have an intuition about this and ignore it?"
Self-blame is coming up A LOT when I can't magically predict what a virtual stranger will say or do. As if there is something wrong with my connection to my intuition if I go on a date with someone only to learn that we're not a match! My Core Wise Self knows it was simply was a yes until it was a no and I didn't "get it wrong". This is actually the whole point of dating! I've had to continually re-commit to a compass that I know how has worked in other areas of my life.
A Healing Compass to Navigate the Unknown
I am practicing using the same compass that I support my clients in using when navigating any change, unknown and growth:
I am seeking clarity, not certainty, every step of the way.
Certainty uses divine masculine energy of orienting outside of myself. It means living by this compass: "If I think long and hard enough about this, I can come up with a way forward that is perfect because I will have predicted all possible outcomes and avoided all obstacles or pain along the way." Certainty is a practice of control and leading with my strategic mind. It places my safety, peace and power outside of myself. I measure my success based on how well I predicted others and... the events of life. Certainty is an impossible game to win and it shuts out the Universe from collaborating with me.
Clarity uses divine feminine energy of tuning inwards and listening to myself with compassion and non-judgement about my one next step. Clarity is a practice of trust and leading with my inner knowing. It places my safety, peace and power into my own hands. I have the power to change course at any point in time based on new experiences in my body or any other new information I've gained from my inner wisdom. Flowing with change is expected in this process. Clarity allows space for the Universe to co-create with me.
A Call to a Soul-led Life
Using our inner knowing as our compass through life means that we have to give up the way of certainty as we've been taught it in our divine masculine culture. Instead we must practice being certain that we will be OK no matter what happens. Certain that the Universe is reorganizing our lives for our highest good with every step that we take. Certain that changes and opportunities will come in from the Universe that we could not have predicted for ourselves. Certain that we would rather LIVE our wild and beautiful lives rather than think about it.
When I can make this shift, there is SO MUCH PEACE that comes with it! A huge pressure is lifted. Anger and frustration melts and my body can soften in the present again. You can make this shift too. I am devoted to imperfectly practicing this way of life right beside you! (And for the first time in four years I actually want a second date with someone I met this week!)
Have you been feeling the confusion, anger, disappointment and overwhelm that comes with seeking certainty? Do you get stuck and anxious thinking of a thousand strategies before taking your next step? What are the ways that you have shifted to trust, safety, freedom and peace? What helps you step forward into the Unknown?
Book your healing session here if you want to talk about it and practice this shift together!
